i had an enlightenment just now.

the feeling i had when i tried to hold olive's hand, even walking close to her would make me stutter and got lost for words. that kind of lovestruck feel.

the feeling i had when i cuddled up with jolene when my face was next to hers, when we would tickle each other all day long. we always knew what's on each other's mind and she would take care of me when im sick, TLC me up just because we knew how we think. sadly, that exact same reason broke us up.

those feelings, they are like benchmarks or rather indicators. they tell me when that girl is right for me or not. the dick is always a problem, since that right one hasnt come yet, that leaves me some time to tame that fucking tiger.

the main point is that i stopped having those feelings for a real long time, i really need to stop fooling around and set my directions right. or else, i will fall and sink in deeper and deeper. i must know what i want, and not what i can have. i must do the right thing all the time. only i know, whats right.

cheers!